


Warm Me Up, But Not Too Much

by sublimeWaves



Series: 25 EXO Challenges [9]
Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Childhood Friends, Feelings, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Panic Attacks, Sauna, There is a panic attack in this!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-05
Updated: 2016-08-05
Packaged: 2018-07-29 11:07:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,246
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7682071
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sublimeWaves/pseuds/sublimeWaves
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Childhood best friends go to a sauna together.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Warm Me Up, But Not Too Much

**Author's Note:**

> Emotion: Frightening   
> Word: Sauna  
> Theme: Ignorance

Sehun met Jongin at ten years old.  Jongin had transferred schools and he looked like a normal kid with shorter hair than most boys his age.  The class soon found out that the boy was really shy and did not like to talk a lot or talk loudly.  The other boys were going to give up on him but when they would play outside, Jongin was found to be really athletic.  The other boys wanted him on their teams and he was accepted in their ranks.

Sehun was also athletic and Jongin was seated next to him when the teacher changed the classroom seating arrangements.  The newcomer was a lot more open to conversation when it was just one person that he was talking to.  Sehun, himself, talked little when in a big crowd but could talk for hours when he was in the mood, so he understood.

The two started to talk about video games and they bonded enough over it for Sehun to invite Jongin over to his house.  The boy was actually really funny and Sehun enjoyed his company.  At the end of the school year his mother referred to Jongin as his best friend he was inclined to agree, even though it initially shocked him.  He had many friends but none that were really close to him.

The two grew older together, tackling each year after the next together as average to above average students.  Puberty had been kind to them, gifting them with features that made them easy to look at and had girls scribbling their first names with Sehun and Jongin’s first names surrounded by cartoonish hearts.  They were also known for being cool and even a bit mysterious as the two did not really talk to anyone.  They became really popular.

Their popularity only grew when Sehun joined the basketball team.  He was already athletic and he was starting to tower over their peers so it had just made sense.  The basketball team was going really well and Sehun asked at some point how Jongin stayed in shape yet was not on a sports team nor wanted to be on one.

Ballet was the answer. 

The truth completely shocked Sehun.  As Jongin talked about how he danced since he was six and how good he was at it, Sehun was just floored.  The two of them had been friends for a couple of years and here Jongin was hiding a huge part of his life away. 

After the initial shock, Sehun started to think about all he knew about male ballet dancers and his face started to contort.  Sehun always thought they were girly and were dainty and wore tights.  He never thought of Jongin like that.

He thought all of these things until he went to Jongin’s performance of the nutcracker.  It was a huge event that he had to get dressed up for and he went with Jongin’s parents.  Jongin was not even in the first act so Sehun sat as he watched the long play.  It was only exciting during the rat battle and then he quickly became bored.

That was when the second act started and everything changed.  The program said that Jongin was cast to be a Danish sweet which he really did not understand but he understood that Jongin was to dance with a girl.  He came out, confident, in mostly white with a girl who was quite pretty.

His dancing was captivating, beautiful.  Sehun was not sure he had ever seen Jongin smile like that, even though he knows it might have been a bit strain.  If he knew anything about Jongin, then he knew when the other was having fun and he was definitely having the time of his life.  He looked proud and Sehun did not know much about ballet but he would say he was perfect.  He lived for that stage.

So Sehun admitted he was wrong and that Jongin was a not a girly man and that ballet was cool.  He was really only right about the tights and if Sehun was asked to answer anonymously he would say that Jongin rocks tights like no one else he has ever seen.

Unfortunately others did not see Jongin that way.  After the nutcracker performance, quite a few kids go see the ballet each year and recognized Jongin and it got out quite quickly that he danced.  It spread like wildfire throughout the school and everyone had grasped on to it.

School kids are not kind and they talk about him, sometimes to his face.  They snicker as they call him slurs and derogatory names and say he likes boys.  Teasing and papers slipped into his locker become a regular thing and Sehun can see that Jongin tries not to seem like it has an effect on him, but he knows it does.  Jongin loves to dance and he was not going to give it up for anything.

Sehun steps up one day, shuts down one of his basketball teammate’s remarks about him.  He says that just because Jongin dances ballet does not mean he likes boys and that he is just a normal kid.  Due to having a bit of clout with the team, there is no backlash against this decision.  So he decides to stop being silent and protect Jongin when he can.

But that does not mean Jongin does not protect himself.  Whenever asked, he says that he likes to dance and everyone else can basically go fuck themselves.  He is quiet but he is not going to take that type of conversation to his face.

This new found boldness makes the girls even more attracted to him.  It does not hurt that he also looks like Adonis but who is Sehun to judge.  Sehun also protects him from bullies, knows where they are and protects him.  He gets praise from the girls for staying by his best friend.  He gets to date a cheerleader because of it so it is not all bad.

The two go to a party during their second to last year of school and get seriously drunk and they wonder around afterwards.  They tour streets and go to one of the old playgrounds they used to go when they had first met.  The swings had always been Sehun’s favorite so they go there and the swings are low and they are tall but it does not really matter.

They are drunk and Jongin admits that he might be a little gay.  His cheeks are red and he does not look at Sehun.  Sehun’s eyes go a bit wide but he tries to keep it calm.  He says that it is okay because it should be but something in him tells him it is not.  He ignores it because it should not matter if does not think dicks are interesting.

Ultimately, he says okay because Jongin is comfortable to him and he is his best friend who is always there for him.  There is nothing that they keep from each other and Jongin is safe.  Sometimes Sehun will even forget from time to time that Jongin even said anything.

Other times, Sehun will look at a guy and wonder if Jongin would like him.  He has no idea what Jongin’s type but he tries to guess.  Would it be an athletic guy or one of those theater geeks or was it someone in one of his classes?

He will look at a guy and think what Jongin would see in one of these guys and then get a bit jealous when he would realize that sometimes they had more muscle than he does.  He tells Jongin that he thinks he should get more muscle because so and so has _so_ much and Jongin will laugh and ask why he would notice such a thing.  Sehun never gives him a straight answer.

The two of them like to spend time together, especially during their last year of school.  They will be in the same city after graduation but Sehun got accepted into university and Jongin has been offered a top spot in a ballet company.  This will truly be the last they that it will be easy to spend time together.  With this in mind, Jongin indulges him more and more.

Their senior trip has them going to a museum but they will have to spend the night at a hotel in the middle of nowhere to get there.  Sehun and Jongin are stoked when they get a hotel room together, but are less so when they see what a dump the place is.  There is only one bed, but they had shared beds multiple times so it was nothing new.

The two drink with some other kids in one of the other hotel rooms and get drunk enough that Sehun gets the spins at some point.  It is late and the two try to make it back to their room but Sehun wants to ‘explore’ the shitty town.  The only thing open is a sauna in the twelve building town and they take it.  Not even caring that the man at the front desk is a little unsure about letting them in.

They go into the locker area that has showers so that they can put up their belongings and take a small shower before entering the baths.  Sehun falls on the bench next to the long row of lockers as the room spins a bit and he laughs.  On the other hand, Jongin is a bit more coherent than drunk and quickly goes to fix that.  There is a small bottle of soju the two share, taking two shots each

All of a sudden Sehun freaks out as Jongin goes to take off his shirt and then his undershirt.  Sehun has seen Jongin change before, they have been in school for years together, but he has never seen the guy take off his undershirt. 

If Sehun was jealous of other men’s calves or arms, then it was nothing to what he was feeling now.  Jongin was _nice_ underneath that shirt.  He had abs that Sehun only wished that he could get one day.  The spins had stopped taking a hold of him but now he realized that he was staring at his best friend’s abs and quickly looked away.

A moment of clarity had him standing up and looking at a poster on the other side of the wall and realized what type of place this was.  There was no clothing allowed in the sauna.  Normally, this would completely turn Sehun off on the idea but right now he was drunk and he had just stared at his best friend’s abs for an amount of time he was unsure of.  He laughs as he points it out to Jongin who is just fucked up enough to laugh until he was almost cradling his shirt on the ground of the locker room.

Sehun loses all of his clothes quite quickly, always proud of his body even if he did not have Jongin’s nice, beautiful abs that he kind of wanted to touch.  He goes into the shower quickly and starts up the cold spray when he realizes that the sides of the shower were just spun glass so you could see the outline of the person next to you quite well.

When Jongin stepped into the shower next to him something goes through is body that says to stop looking everywhere.  He might be drunk but he knows the basic bro code laws: Do not stare at another bro’s dick.

The sauna is quite big considering the size of the town.  There are different rooms with different temperature pools so they pick one of the hotter ones first (‘pick’ is subjective here because they are drunk and just stumble into the first one they can find).

This turns out to be a mistake as this room has three pools and there are two other men in the room as well.  One of them is a man that looks to be in his mid-thirties and is obviously a drunk business man.  He is a bit larger and is in the shallow part of the pool so that his junk is out for everyone to see.  The other looks like a man who has not showered in a year and is skinny.  He also looks drunks and blatantly stares at the two boys.

Jongin is holding Sehun’s arm as they sit in the pool for exactly one minute before they are quickly exiting to a more secluded area.  When they get away, they burst out laughing at the strange experience.  Jongin is stumbling, not particularly sober enough to be walking like a normal person.

This room only has one pool and they are alone.  The pool is a moderate temperature and they finish up the last of Sehun’s flask as they lie in the pool that is some herbal blend so it gives Sehun cover.  He tries to stop thinking about the fact that he is naked at a sauna next to his best friend but he is starting to have a harder and harder time with that.

Were Jongin’s thighs always that shape?  When did that shit happen?  He has got quite a lot of muscle on him considering he twirls around a lot, or at least he did during that performance Sehun went to years ago.  It has been a long time since he saw the guy dance, maybe there was more to it.

His thighs are nice, maybe more powerful than his own.  Also his face has gotten nicer, Sehun notices.  All of the girls go crazy over it and Sehun did not really understand that until right now.  He is kind of glad that Jongin is a bit stressed out from dance and school lately so he is just kind of taking in the water and keeping his eyes closed.

That is when Sehun tenses up.  He is looking at Jongin like a completely different person.  It was not right!  This was his friend, his best friend, his most trusted friend.  And here he is admiring him like a girlfriend.

Did he ever notice his last girlfriend like this?  He thinks it over as he tries and remembers what his ex was like.  It does not take long before he realized that she kind of acted and looked like and reminded him… of… Jongin…

Sehun is standing to get out of the pool of water in no time at this shock and he can hear Jongin getting out after him.  He goes to another room with a pool that is just a bit hotter than the last.

Sehun’s face reddens and he cannot get his thoughts off of this ‘revelation’.  He sits down next to Jongin who is looking at him a bit odd but his mind is starting to flash red lights.  Sehun searches through his thoughts for previous indications of his behaviors towards his best friend.  He has this sudden urge of affection for Jongin that runs through his body and if he is being honest with himself, this is not the first time he has felt it.

He looks at Jongin and realizes that he might…

No!  That would be absurd!  Sehun _cannot_ let himself think that.

Sehun feels like he is caught between crying and drowning.

“Are you okay?”  Jongin asks.  He is leaning over from his seat in the pool to look at his best friend. His voice carries a bit of worry in it.  Sehun wishes that he could be alone right now.  “You’ve been really quiet.”

“Of course I am,” Sehun says.  This makes Jongin roll his eyes before stopping immediately as he notices something that he obviously does not like.

“You look frantic.”  He can see Sehun’s face turning a bit white.  “Are you sure you are okay, you look a little pale.”

“No, I’m cool!”  Sehun says a bit too quickly.  His mind is racing with thoughts.  Jongin is his best friend, nothing else!  There is nothing going on between them.  There are no feelings that Sehun has.  Sehun does not feel that way towards men!  “Everything is cool! Cool, cool.”

“That was reassuring.”  Jongin pushes away from his seat to look at his best friend straight on instead of from the side.  Sehun knows this look from his best friend.  It means that he is starting to seriously worry and Sehun is starting to really worry about himself.

“I’m fine!”  Sehun exclaims.  He needs Jongin to leave him alone now.  He cannot think straight.  He always grew up thinking that he would marry a nice girl and they would have kids and a dog and now he is looking at Jongin and his breath hitches and he cannot breathe for a second no matter how much he wants to.

To compensate he starts to breathe really deeply and he tries to keep his breaths even with each other.  For some reason when he does this he feels like he is not getting enough oxygen.  He feels Jongin’s hand on his knee and it feels like fire.  “You are not fine!  You’re breathing really heavy.”

“I’m cool!”  Sehun insists as he puts his head down and puts his hands over his head.  He feels like this position will make him feel better but all it does it make him want to throw up.  The hand on his knee goes to his forehead.

“We need to get you out of the pool,” Jongin says immediately as he goes to stand up and pull Sehun up with him.  He’s anxious as he tugs at Sehun.  “You’re burning up.”

“I don’t....”  Sehun trails off as he looks up and sees Jongin’s body.  He realizes in that minute that he is a bit hard and his mind fires every warning signal it has.  He cannot think, he cannot breathe and he is gasping.  His voice is too hoarse to be heard.  “No, no, no!”

In seconds, Jongin is there as he tries to get Sehun to stop curling himself into a ball.  He tries to be steady as he realizes that Sehun is making choking sounds as he tries to breathe.  “Hey, hey, _breathe_ , it’s okay.”

Sehun shakes his head.  He feels horrible and he feels like he is going to suffocate.  His body feels like it is on fire.  He needs to get out of here.  “It’s not, I can’t.”

Jongin’s hands are around his head and pulling his face up to look at him.  “Look at me!  Follow me.”

“I don’t think.”  He cannot finish his sentence.  Jongin’s eyes are hard and they are anxious and Sehun realizes that he is freaking his best friend out.  Sehun thinks he is crying.  “I can’t think.”

“No thinking, breathe with me.  Follow my hand.”  Sehun focuses on Jongin’s hand that goes up and down at a steady rhythm and it is enough for Sehun to focus on.  Jongin carefully helps him up as they walk back to the shower area.  Sehun feels so much better as he walks away from the area.

“Okay, we’re here.”  Jongin says as he turns on the cold shower and puts Sehun inside.  He does not expect Sehun’s energy to run out and practically collapse inside as he puts his back to the wall and curls up into a small ball to protect himself.  Sehun is crying, face red, defiantly not one of those pretty criers.

The good news is that Sehun feels a lot better.  He does not feel like he is about to throw up or pass out or get hard again.  The bad news is that he knows that he feels like he has to explain his feelings to Jongin and that is a beast he does not want to take on.  “I-”

“Breathe,” Jongin interrupts as he sits in front of Sehun, wiping the tears off of his face, a hand on his knee for comfort.  Sehun waits for a long time before his best friend breaks the silence.  “Do you want to talk about it?”

“I don’t know what just happened,” Sehun says.  His best friend nods and shifts his body.  Sehun is realizes that they are still both naked and are sitting on the grimy floor of a sauna’s shower.  He is curled up so his privates are being covered while Jongin seems to be a bit less embarrassed about his nakedness and more concerned with Sehun.

“A panic attack.”  Jongin maneuvers himself so that he is sitting in a curled position as well, but now sitting next to Sehun rather than next to him.  The proximity makes Sehun want to lean into him.  “One of the girls at my studio had one before last year’s final performance.”

“Don’t tell anyone.”  Sehun tries to cover his face.  “Embarrassing.”

“It’s fine, it’s me.”  Jongin says this so lowly that Sehun almost did not catch it.  There was so much care and _affection_ in his voice that Sehun thought.  It was enough to make Sehun think that telling Jongin would not be so bad.  This was Jongin, his best friend, who he could tell anything to.  “It’s just me.”

“I think…”  Sehun starts out after the confidence he gained from Jongin’s words give him strength, but the creeping doubt comes back in full force and knocks him for a loop.  All of a sudden, he is not in the realm of ‘okay’ anymore and was starting to feel the start of another wave of panic come up from his throat.  “I think…”

“Breathe,” Jongin instructs.  He puts his hand on Sehun’s knee and uses the other to steadily go up and down so that Sehun can match his breathing to it.  Sehun ignores that because as soon as he can say what he wants to say, then this can all be over.

“ _You_!” Sehun stops as he tries to get _anything_ to come out of his mouth before Jongin reads too much into that.  “Men, like, oh god, think I’m gay.”

His face is straight in-between his knees because he cannot look at Jongin at this moment.  He was just going to tell Jongin about the gay part, not the part where he might be harboring feelings for his best friend.  Jongin fidgets next to him and responds after a couple of minutes.  “Oh, well, I didn’t expect that.”

“Yeah, it surprised me,” Sehun responds, trying to be nonchalant which is ridiculous to Jongin coming from what happened less that five minutes ago.

“I can see that.”  Jongin nods his head and Sehun lifts his head to look at him.  He is trying not to laugh and his own understatement and it makes Sehun smile which Jongin reciprocates.

The two stop and Sehun hesitates before asking, “Are you okay with that?”

Jongin really does laugh after that.  “Sehun, I already told you that I might be a bit gay.  Why would it matter if you were to?”

“I don’t know.”

“So you had a panic attack at the sauna over it?”  A malicious smiles crosses Jongin lips.  “Was it nasty man or business man?”

Downright mortified, Sehun tries to punch his best friend in the arm.  Tension from before, evaporating from Sehun. “Jongin!”

Jongin puts his hands up in mock surrender and closes his eyes.  “I don’t know, business man got something going on if you know what I mean.”

“Jongin!”  Sehun’s face is now red for a completely different reason.

“I’m kidding, I’m kidding,” Jongin says.  He leans his body to close the small gap between them so he is leaning on Sehun’s side.  He tries to rest his head on Sehun’s shoulder.  His next words come out with a much more serious tone.  “You already said me which is really flattering compared to them.”

Sehun tenses up and with Jongin leaning on him he is sure the other man feels it.  He replays what he said in his mind and he wants to take it back.  How stupid was he to confess to his best friend and jeopardize their friendship?  Jongin seemed to be taking the panicking well, but now that Sehun’s affections were directed at him, could they continue how they were.

Turning his head, Sehun looks down to where Jongin’s head is and is surprised to be met with wide eyes instead.  They are curious, searching for something in Sehun.  Unsure of what to do or say, not wanting to overstep boundaries, Sehun looks away.

Jongin detaches himself from Sehun and stands up and Sehun tries not to stare as a hand is offered to him.  Sehun does end up looking at Jongin questioningly and there is trust in Jongin’s features.  Jongin has always been kind, so Sehun takes the hand to help him up.

When he is upright and realizing he might still be feeling the aftereffects of being drunk, he tries to steady himself using Jongin.  He puts his forehead down into Jongin’s hair and his body is close to his best friend’s, tangled together in a pseudo hug.

Jongin is the one to slide his hands into Sehun’s, to hold the tight.  Sehun is the one to squeeze back and Sehun does not know what this means but when Jongin steps back with a smile on his face, Sehun does not question it.

Jongin tries to pull him out of the shower, hands still connected.  “Let’s get out of here.”

**Author's Note:**

> In this version of a Sauna, I am talking about something along the lines of a Hungarian Bath House. There are multiple pools at different temperatures along with saunas that are both wet and dry. I was warned by a local that swim ware was not required but since I went to a tourist spot, there was no one who did not have them. This story goes under the assumption that swim ware is prohibited.  
> I have no idea where this story came from but I hoped y’all liked it! It was a bit more challenging for me to write then some of my other stories and I am still unsure about the ending.


End file.
